There’s this thing that happens when you wake up after a night of smoking social cigs. Beyond the headache and the smell, it’s like a small animal curled up and died in your mouth. Tobacco tongue is a dry, sticky, nasty start to your morning. Nobody wants tobacco tongue. Here are nine things that are better than a case of tobacco tongue:

1. A big Snapchat filter dog tongue.

2. Gene Simmons rock n’ roll face.

3. A ridiculous makeout sesh.

4. Annoying your brother from another mother.

5. Enjoying a snack.

6. Licking frozen metal to see if it sticks.

7. Getting it pierced.

8. Smizing.

9. Tying a knot in a cherry stem with no hands.